If you're going to take the time to read this, stop now, and listen
(you don't need to WATCH) this 3 minute youtube video. I'm serious!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9SeJIgWRPk
As soon as I heard this song I thought "note to self, add this to song rotation for your funeral" (you know you've got one, too). Then, I was reminded. Reminded of being a kid and knowing (or thinking, rather) that I wanted something BIG for my life. I wanted to be a champion!
I wanted to win every spelling bee (I won regional champ in the 4th grade...just saying). I wanted to be picked for the 6th grade basketball team even tho I was in 5th grade. I wanted the boy I'd had a crush on all thru elementary to like me back. I wanted to be well liked, by everyone, without compromising who I was. I wanted to be the volleyball team captain my senior year. I wanted to be Rosie O'donnell (minus the whole wife thing). I wanted greatness!! I've clearly been quite a narcissist since birth.
Well, guess what? I lost the spelling bee, after returning from regionals, in the very first round. Exceed is a word that taunts me to this day. I didn't get chosen for that basketball team I wanted to be great enough to be on and cried for days (which in reality was probably only an hour tops). That boy never-EVER gave me the time of day (yes, I've facebook stalked him a few times). I wasn't always liked by everyone - cried again. I wasn't the team captain- also cried again, and I'm obviously no Rosie O - have never officially cried about this.
What happened to that fire? Presumably, life. I realized a few years ago the only person putting out my flames was ME. My anxiety, my trying to please others, my sensitivity, my sharp tongue, and my stubbornness of accepting most things I knew weren't at all what they seemed, or even what I wanted them to be.
My realistic (and mostly still narcissistic) eyes have opened. Guess what they see? That pony tailed, thick banged little girl who was convinced an NBA player was going to see me playing basketball in my front yard, in my Reggie Miller jersey, and change my life. I see that regional spelling bee medal around some other friggin kids neck. I see my under weight, under confident, large footed, flat chested 17 year old self and well, I give her a cheeseburger first, and then tell her to be more thankful for the incredible people who did choose to like her.
As far as being Rosie O, I'm Stephy D with the most handsome, kindest, most supportive, most caring, one in a million husbands that will ever exist. I have THE BEST JOB any aunt could EVER ask for. I've got a mom that works harder than any person I've ever known. A dad with a better tan than any Caucasian dad I've ever seen. A dog that just wants to stare at me all day long, even when I'm sleeping. A memory foam mattress. A family that, regardless of all the quirks and twerks (twerks???), still treats me like the baby I am. An iphone 5...a porch cat...shall I go on? All of these things alone, especially the mattress, make me champion, and all y'all gonna have to hear me roar.
We were all made to be different kind of champions and we were all made to fight for it. Go get 'em champ. Let them hear you roar!
P.S. - I've checked for spelling errors at least 500 times as not to ruin that whole regional spelling bee champ thing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9SeJIgWRPk
As soon as I heard this song I thought "note to self, add this to song rotation for your funeral" (you know you've got one, too). Then, I was reminded. Reminded of being a kid and knowing (or thinking, rather) that I wanted something BIG for my life. I wanted to be a champion!
I wanted to win every spelling bee (I won regional champ in the 4th grade...just saying). I wanted to be picked for the 6th grade basketball team even tho I was in 5th grade. I wanted the boy I'd had a crush on all thru elementary to like me back. I wanted to be well liked, by everyone, without compromising who I was. I wanted to be the volleyball team captain my senior year. I wanted to be Rosie O'donnell (minus the whole wife thing). I wanted greatness!! I've clearly been quite a narcissist since birth.
Well, guess what? I lost the spelling bee, after returning from regionals, in the very first round. Exceed is a word that taunts me to this day. I didn't get chosen for that basketball team I wanted to be great enough to be on and cried for days (which in reality was probably only an hour tops). That boy never-EVER gave me the time of day (yes, I've facebook stalked him a few times). I wasn't always liked by everyone - cried again. I wasn't the team captain- also cried again, and I'm obviously no Rosie O - have never officially cried about this.
What happened to that fire? Presumably, life. I realized a few years ago the only person putting out my flames was ME. My anxiety, my trying to please others, my sensitivity, my sharp tongue, and my stubbornness of accepting most things I knew weren't at all what they seemed, or even what I wanted them to be.
My realistic (and mostly still narcissistic) eyes have opened. Guess what they see? That pony tailed, thick banged little girl who was convinced an NBA player was going to see me playing basketball in my front yard, in my Reggie Miller jersey, and change my life. I see that regional spelling bee medal around some other friggin kids neck. I see my under weight, under confident, large footed, flat chested 17 year old self and well, I give her a cheeseburger first, and then tell her to be more thankful for the incredible people who did choose to like her.
As far as being Rosie O, I'm Stephy D with the most handsome, kindest, most supportive, most caring, one in a million husbands that will ever exist. I have THE BEST JOB any aunt could EVER ask for. I've got a mom that works harder than any person I've ever known. A dad with a better tan than any Caucasian dad I've ever seen. A dog that just wants to stare at me all day long, even when I'm sleeping. A memory foam mattress. A family that, regardless of all the quirks and twerks (twerks???), still treats me like the baby I am. An iphone 5...a porch cat...shall I go on? All of these things alone, especially the mattress, make me champion, and all y'all gonna have to hear me roar.
We were all made to be different kind of champions and we were all made to fight for it. Go get 'em champ. Let them hear you roar!
P.S. - I've checked for spelling errors at least 500 times as not to ruin that whole regional spelling bee champ thing.
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