Addiction (according to Webster): a strong and harmful need to regularly have something (such as a drug) or do something (such as gamble)
Addiction (according to me): the act of making life altering decisions focused solely on oneself with zero regard to how it affects those around the addict, and those around them, just so the addict doesn't have to feel anything.
I think me and Webster are on to something.
We have all known, or met, some kind of addict: drugs, alcohol, food, Breaking Bad, sex, porn, pizza rolls, FaceBook...and so on. We all, however, may not know the pain it causes to the family and friends of said addict. The pain doesn't always show itself in flowing tears, or outward bruising. The pain hides in the hearts of those affected for years, and sometimes lifetimes.
I've often wondered who has it worse? The addict or families and friends of addicts.
The addict on one hand, seems to know what they're doing, and usually can come up with a "good reason" why they're doing it. They do it to themselves. They don't see the pain and lasting effects they cause for others. They don't really have to feel, except in those few moments when they're substance is unavailable. I think, in those moments, they are tortured by their feelings. I would hope they feel shame or guilt, but I don't know. I'd like to think if they did feel those raw feelings, they'd stop. That, in those moments, they'd look at the ones they loved, and realize the mess they've made. But, I'd also like to be lean and tone while munching on candy bars and taking naps all day - every day.
On the other hand you have, what I'll refer to as, the victims. The victims don't know why the addict chooses their vice over the ones they love. The victim feels those fears, pains - those emotions the addict doesn't want to feel, the victim feels them, 24/7. They have nothing to numb their sorrows. They are left confused, broken, and feeling worthless.
They both sound awful. Being under the control of something all day - every day is a haunting thought. Being unable to control someone's actions that negatively affect most aspects of your life - terrifying.
This cycle, when left unbroken, goes on and on throughout entire families and into future generations. All because one person thought only of themselves, and left the victims wondering, "What do I do with all this hurt? Why did they choose addiction over me?"
Have you, yourself, ever wondered what to do with all the hurt? Have you ever felt "not good enough" because addiction was chosen over you? You're not alone, and the good news is you're feeling.
First, know you ARE enough. You ARE worth it. No other person's behavior or choices should dictate the way you look at yourself. Their actions only reflect the way they view themselves. You look at yourself and say - and KNOW - "I am worthy of great things, and (insert name here) behaviors will not have control over me." I firmly believe this stops the cycle, and keeps victims from projecting the trickle down effect of addiction.
Now, what to do with the hurt. I'm actually unsure on this one; but certainly, you shouldn't feel guilty for being hurt. Addicts seem to have a funny way of showing they love people. They may
have a hard time showing it, but that doesn't mean they don't love you. Love them back. They need it, but love from a distance. Protect yourself.
Now, guilt. This is a big thing that rares its ugly head for the addict and the victims. The addict should, yes, feel guilty. You, however should ABSOLUTELY not. Their behavior is not your fault, and there is nothing you can do, ultimately, to "fix them". This is, at the core, their problem. It's up to you to know your value, love yourself, and focus on their addiction not becoming your problem. And by problem, I mean - not letting it consume your entire life.
Addiction, as a whole, is sad all the way around. Just remember, you ARE worth it, and they ARE worth loving, even from a distance.
